Bella and Jacob - a Different Choice
by TheQueenAmelia
Summary: At the end of New Moon, Bella had the chance to choose Jacob, a chance she would've taken if Alice hadn't shown up. This is what I thought could have happened if she turned her head, and Alice had never come back.


The italicized portion is from the original book – the rest is mine. This is how I think the story should have gone, leaving off from the end of _New Moon_. This is what I thought would happen if Bella had turned her head, if Alice had never shown up. I wish that there was a way to know what Stephenie Meyer would've thought, though.

_My next shudder had nothing to do with cold._

_It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had woken me up. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast._

_What if? What was the right thing to do?_

_I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now—I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were… was that cruel, as Mike had accused?_

_I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on_

_him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt nice—warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbor._

_I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power._

_I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy—explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision._

_But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through._

_I would have to commit to this—commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?_

_Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?_

_Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now._

_He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again._

_I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bella. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear._

_My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat._

_Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all._

_Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair._

_If I turned my face to the side—if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without any doubt what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight._

_But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?_

_Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought of turning my head._

_And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear._

_"Be happy," he told me._

But for the first time, the sound of his voice brought me no pain. As it had done before, Jacob's presence kept me whole. And this time, when his voice spoke to me, I listened.

I was finally ready. it was time to move on.

Carefully, so carefully, I turned my face towards Jacob's warm shoulder, pressing my icy lips against his skin.

At first, he froze. Then, hesitantly, his hand went to my hair, stroking it softly.

"Bella?" his voice was low, husky, with a note of uncertainty to it. I smiled against his shoulder, and a shudder ran through him. His other hand drifted down my back, trailing until he reached my waist. His hand slipped underneath the fabric of my shirt, finding the skin of my lower back. His fingers were so warm, blazing against my cold skin.

It felt nice.

I drew my arms around his neck, looking up into his eyes.

"Bella," he said again. "Are you sure?"

I paused then, not knowing exactly what that might entail. But this was Jacob, my Jacob. My best friend. And I knew that there was nothing more I wanted than to be his Bella, to make him happy in the way I could never be.

Maybe someday, Jacob would heal me completely. Maybe, with time, his presence would close the hole in my chest for good. I loved him, and even if it wasn't in the same way, I knew he loved me.

So I looked him in the eye, and nodded.

He smiled then, and there was no bitterness in his expression. He was my Jacob, my sun, happy and warm and bright. Slowly, he lowered his head towards me, closing his eyes. His lips touched mine, softly, so softly, warm and gentle and sweet.

"Bella," he said. "I love you."

Before I could say anything, a flash of lights lit up the driveway, blinding me with blue and red.

"Charlie's home." Jacob chucked in my ear.

"Don't leave yet!" I begged, clutching at his shirt. I didn't want to think about the long night ahead, and the nightmares that were sure to haunt it.

Jacob's eyes widened. "I won't be far. Wait for me inside." I nodded and turned to go, but he caught my wrist. Carefully, he kissed me one more time, his lips gentle. He smiled again, and it was the wide grin that I loved.

"See you soon," he whispered.

As I jumped out of my truck, Charlie appraised me. "What was that?' he demanded, trying to sound angry.

"Dad." I rolled my eyes, smiling at his obvious relief. Another person that my decision made happy. I realized how long it had been since he had smiled at me with such genuine happiness. A stab of guilt twisted at my gut as I realized how worried he must have been during the past few months.

Then, he saw my dripping clothes. His brow furrowed. "Why are you all wet?"

"I, um, tripped and fell into the ocean." He laughed, and I grimaced at him.

"I'm going to shower and then sleep, okay?"

"Sure, sure." he waved me off, and I trudged up the stairs.

Upstairs, I flew into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hurrying through my shower. I remembered the last time I had rushed through this same routine, waiting to spend the night with a boy in my room. And just like before, the reminder brought me no pain. I smiled and pulled on my sweats, stepping out of the bathroom.

When I flicked the light on in my room, it was empty.

"Jake?" I called softly. There was no answer. Disappointment pricked at my eyes, leaving a lump in my throat.

Then, I heard a thud on my window. I stiffened, imagining Victoria's wild hair and thirsty eyes. Had she come for me? Then, I heard a string of profanity from outside.

"Dammit, Bella, open the window! I'm not going to fall this time!"

"Oh!" I hurried to the window and yanked it open as far as it would go. Then, I stepped aside as Jacob came swinging into the room, landing agilely on the balls of his feet.

"Jake, remind me how the hell you do that," I shivered. Jacob laughed throatily.

Then, a wave of dizziness hit me. I swayed on the spot, toppling over. Jacob's arms went around me, catching me before I could hit the floor.

"Gah," I gasped.

"You need to lie down. You almost drowned today, Bella," he whispered furiously.

"I noticed," I panted.

Scooping me up, he carried me over to the bed and eased me down onto the mattress. He drew the covers over me, tucking the blanket around my chin.

I smiled at him, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking my hair back from my face.

"Promise me you'll never do anything like that again," he said, his voice low.

I nodded. "I won't."

"I should let you sleep," he said, getting up to go. I grabbed his hand.

"Please stay," I whispered. I couldn't bear the thought of facing tonight without him. The reminders of..._him_...may have stopped hurting, but I didn't want to face the nightmares again. Not ever.

His eyes were wide, filled with an unexpected joy, and with something else, something tender that I couldn't name. He took my hand off his wrist, and pressed it to his lips in an old-fashioned gesture.

"Sure, Bells," he said happily.

He crossed the room and lay down beside me, turning so that he faced me. He was close, so close that I could feel the heat radiating off his body like a furnace. Instinctively, I moved closer to him, burying my face in his neck. His arms went around me at once, crushing me closer to his chest, and binding me in a cage of warmth. I sighed in contentment as the warmth rushed through me, thawing my icy fingers.

"As long as you want me, Bells, I'll be here. Every night, holding you, keeping you safe. I won't _ever_ leave you. I swear." he said. And in that moment, I knew I believed him. I knew that no matter what, I would always have my Jacob. My red-brown wolf, standing protector to me and the ones I loved. One day, Jacob would heal me. He would do anything for me, and I knew without a doubt that I would do the same for him. I loved him, really loved him, and I saw that now. Maybe, in some way, I always had.

_Goodbye, Edward_, I thought, breaking down the walls I had built for myself, to guard me against both love and pain. And once more, the name brought me no pain.

I stretched my face up to kiss him. "I love you, Jake," I whispered.

Then, we closed our eyes and fell asleep, tangled together in my small bed, filled with heat instead of cold. And for the first time in what seemed like a century, I fell asleep with a smile on my face, knowing that tonight, the hole in my chest would remain firmly closed. I was whole once again.


End file.
